The Offspring – Splinter

Artist: The Offspring

Title: Splinter

Label: Columbia

Rating: 1/10

Corporate Line: Almost two decades, six albums and 32 million records sold, those two pals, vocalist/guitarist Dexter Holland and bassist Greg K, along with fellow classmate (and school custodian) guitarist Noodles, are still delivering on their seventh and latest effort, Splinter. The album was recorded in L.A. and Atlanta, produced once again by Brendan O’Brien (who was behind the boards for 2001’s Conspiracy Of One), with The Vandals’ Josh Freese sitting in after the departure of drummer Ron Welty, who’d been with the band since 1986. Completing the old-school punk reunion are Pennywise’s Jim Lindberg and former California gubernatorial candidate Jack Grisham of TSOL (who are signed to Dexter’s Nitro Records) doing backing vocals on “The Noose” and “Da Hui.”

The Good:
Forget about it.

The Average:
“The Noose” – We’ve heard it before and now I’m just plain bored.
“Hit That” – Starts off strong and gives us hope that the Offspring have something new up their sleeve – it doesn’t take long for them to dismiss that.

The Ugly:
“Neocon” – A 30 second song with little more than the chanting of “whoa” – isn’t going to get it done.
“Head Around You” – Is it me or have I accidentally time warped back ten years. No wait… I don’t have any flannel shirts – my mistake.
“The Worst Hangover Ever” – This is the worst song ever, period. The try to do ska and the lyrics must have been written by one of the member’s kids. The whole “whoa” chant is funnier than anything Weird Al has ever written. Makes you wonder if it isn’t actually Weird Al pretending to be the Offspring. Hmmmm.
“When You’re In Prison” – They may have a career in comedy – they’d never make it past the blinking red light. Get off the f*&king stage you morons.
“Da Hui” – Help! Anyone know CPR? I’ve got a group down! Oh no – we’ve lost them.

Frankly: The Offspring have proved they’ve been masquerading as a good group their entire careers. They’ve tried for the last time to recycle a sound that was cool once. Now the Offspring are nothing but a tired, old punk rock band. I guess what I’m trying to say is; they suck.

+ Rae Gun